


Dorian Adapts to the South

by markantony



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cultural Differences, Gen, Humour, Waxing, pooping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 12:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16063580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markantony/pseuds/markantony
Summary: Dorian does things in the South that were easier back in Tevinter. That's it. A series of ficlets to humour me about the cultural shock between Ferelden and Tevinter.





	1. Dorian sh*ts

**Author's Note:**

> Please, suggest me what could Dorian do in the next chapters.

In times like this, Dorian really missed Tevinter. Doing your necessities in an outhouse? He will send a letter to King Alistair asking to invest in a sewage system just like Tevinter's and he would even give him the name of good architects. This is primal!

He sat there, inside a smelly outhouse in Redcliffe, trying to read a Fereldan journal and waiting for his body to let go of it. "This is an positivelt barbaric," he muttered under his breath. "The Orlesian village of Lac d'Argent decides to build a new chantry within the ruins of a dwarven library dating to the Steel Age with numerous manuscripts in ancient dwarv-"

Someone knocked on the door too enthusiastically. "Mage, come on! Nobody shits for half an hour!"

Dorian sighed and continued scanning the paper. "The number of intoxications in the city of Llomeryn rises due to the out of control consumption of a tea grown ilegally by-"

"Sparkles, be done or we'll abandon you here!"

"Andraster's sake, if your toilets weren't so uncomfortable I would have finished hours ago. That and your meals that make me feel constipated."


	2. Dorian waxes his body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to think that waxing and shaving doesn't exist in Thedas, but for aesthetic's sake - and dancing with ten silk scars - I imagined that Tevinters wax.

Skyhold's kitchen - Noon.

Cullen entered the kitchen looking for his lunch - nobody had brought it to his office and he went downstairs. Inside he found two people that he never imagined he would find in a kitchen: Josephine and Dorian.

Dorian, arms and legs crossed, leaning against a table, and watching attentively how Josephine... cooked?

"Oh, hello commander. What brings you here?" saluted Josephine with an embarrassed voice.

"I just... wanted to have lunch."

"Join us, Cullen,  we are trying to wax ourselves. Though one might think that under all that fur you are hairless," Dorian commented.

"What?"

"Josephine was teaching me how to use bee wax and caramelized sugar to wax body hair."

"Why would you do that?"

Dorian and Josephine looked at each other. "It pains me that you need to ask that. To look smooth, of course."

"Body hair is smooth."

"It's for aesthetical reasons, Commander. See, in the south it is not customary to remove your body hair but in Antiva, Wycome, and Tevinter it is. We wear lighter clothing and also we use body oils which would be impossible to apply with body hair."

"Oh, so that's why you two always smell so well?"

Josephine laughed covering her mouth and Dorian raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you went around smelling people, commander. The adjective of dog-lords might be well-deserved after all..."

"Dorian, don't be mean!"

Cullen sighed. "Thanks, Dorian. What did you put in that mortar, Josephine?"

"It's caramelized sugar - which we warmed and that is why it look black - and wax, also heated by the fire. We're mixing it and later Dorian will give it an use."

"Do you want to join me, commander? We can wax each other legs and apply oils to our naked bodies?"

"I rather not, Dorian. How often do you do this?"

"Depends on the body part, but once a month usually," answered Dorian. 

* * *

 

Cullen's office - Noon.

"That looked rather painful, Dorian. But your legs look shiny..."

"Come on, take of your pants. I'll promise not to look at you inappropiatedly."

A scream that seemed to come from the Fade itself alerted Cassandra, who dropped the dummy she was beating and run up the stairs and opening up the door and smashing it against the wall. What she found were two men, both not wearing pants. Cullen was covering his eyes with his arms and he had an aching expression. Dorian shrugged at the Seeker.


End file.
